Let social-studies types debate political bias. Just as insidious and more overlooked is a kind of class and lifestyle bias. Newspapers perpetuate an illusion that critics present a balanced view because their reactions range from love to hate. But here’s the bias: They’re all shilling for the area they’re reviewing. In general, the flim critic loves film, the food critic extols dining, sports writers love sports. But where’s the other side? Not everyone enjoys pate or Brahms or cars or video games. In fact, for almost any given opinion, more readers probably disagree, or couldn’t care less. Bet they’d find it refreshing to occasionally turn the tables. Have a Low-Brow Brigade of readers visit the fanciest restaurant, the orchestra and ballet. And get reports from a High-Brow Coterie on bars, tailgating, Disney on Ice, and other declasse offerings. If done with a sense of humor, a regular series of such reports could be a hoot, sparking lively discussion, and appreciation from those whose points of views are rarely represented. 

I know the news people at newspapers will find this amewsing, but I’m serious about making newspapers more unpredictable and fun. As usual, these thoughts may seem like rambling, but there is a vision to my madness, if only to open minds to more possibilities for making content varied and surprising. Why, for example, can’t that billboard quote be a who-said-it quiz? Or a caption be a multiple choice? Why not print cartoons on sequential pages to make a flip book? Or how about using faint background lines on a page that show how to make something different every day … paper airplanes, hats, origami, halloween masks, a dress pattern, a game, a scavenger hunt. Make the page do double-duty. Make newspapers as creative as the Internet. You’re not competing just with news, you’re competing with YouTube. Nightline’s trumped by two late-night comics. That’s the audience, America.

Clearly, newspapers are best when readers have lots of time. And newspapers know they need to have content for the five-minute reader. But how about being multi-tasking friendly? What kind of content could you enjoy while you’re watching TV? Eating dinner with the family? Driving? Out on a date? (Patience: Asking dumb questions sometimes leads to new insights. I’m winging this.) The ridiculously dangerous-sounding driving part suggests audio, which suggests radio (a station that reads you the best stories?) or newspaper-on-CD (which you’d download before driving). But those aren’t paper. Could you have a scanner that plays codes printed on paper? You take a picture of the page on your cellphone, and some service translates/relays content to your radio! Or you have a kind of voice mail system: “Select the story you’d like to hear. … Say “skip” to move to your next choice.” Watch, this kind of thing has to happen. The dinner table? It’s rude to ignore the family, but why can’t content be engineered to maximize socializing? Party games do this. So why not have a daily puzzle that’s like a family party game? Trivia questions? Puzzling pictures: Can you guess what this is a close-up of? Can you tell which two celebrities this face is a composite of? Date-worthy matter is even more of a challenge, but what if you had a daily personality quiz? Or Dating Idea of the Day? Or an Ask a Friend box next to today’s advice column: What would you do … (answer tomorrow.) While watching TV? Somehow this has to be either TV-related content (like about the show) or something mindless like doodling. Oh, how about a follow-along clue-gathering list? You write down all five clues, call in your “whodunit” guess and win money. Shows like Treasure Hunters already have “you can win at home” segments. Why couldn’t such content be part of a newspaper Interactive Games section/page? The more way newspapers fit / feed more parts of a day (which means more interactive content), the more readers will return. Anybody still sell papers outside baseball parks with handy forms for scoring the plays? Ought to be pared-down sporting event editions not just with articles and stats but fill-in-the-blanks stuff for taking notes. (Give teams a cut to sell them inside, too.)

Writers get syndicated. Cartoonists get syndicated. But why not creative graphic artists? The trick on the creative side is being timely and topical, so it’s best to piggyback lingering issues and react quickly to news. Could be serious and data-oriented, with maps and charts and math. Or it could have a humorous, let’s-talk-about it twist, with lists like “10 Cockamamie Excuses Mel Gibson Might Have Tried” or “10 Better Names for The View.” (OK, that sounds like Letterman, but what’s not to like about that?) Or maybe the approach is do a little of everything, go wherever the imagination leads.

Sure. Why not? Now, I’m not talking about informative blurbs, like “Pirates Steals Box-Office Booty. Page C1.” I’m talking about “wouldn’t you like to know?” come-ons, like “When Will This Hot Weather End? Page A3.” Horrors! It’s tacky, it’s annoying, it’s not serious and dignified! True. But: (1) You could tease many more stories on Page One. (2) You’d hook people into buying more papers. (3) You’d banish those tacky, annoying jumps (continued on page …) everyone hates. (4) You’d have room for more photos, which themselves could be teasers. (5) You’d get more people to browse through more pages, which advertisers would love. And (6), if done right, they might even be fun! For example:

Which Late-Night Host Will Sub for Ebert?
Paris Hilton Did What With Her Dog?
Why Doctors Say Broccoli’s Bad
Local Star Suffers Bad Break
Major Road to Close for a Month
New Online Game Is Such a Hoot!
Is Your Truck Part of Big Recall?
What Scientists Say Doesn’t Exist!
Find-Our-Contest Contest!
Little-Known Fact Could Save Your Life

Alas, newspapers grow ever shorter on space, so it is with no great anticipation I share some ideas for features that readers might find of some interest. Consider this Part 1 of a series.

Contest Mania. Who isn’t interested in free money and merchandise, ways to win them, and people who have done so? Are there strategies to improve your odds of winning a jackpot? What’s the best legal setup if you hold a winning ticket? Does anybody ever win those secret code under the bottlecap giveaways? Lots of stories and advice, with news of the latest contests.

What’s That in Your Shopping Cart? Have a freelancer stop in a big fancy market, camera at the ready, and look for usual purchases. Ask the person about the product, how it’s used (get the recipe!), why it’s a favorite. Variation: What’s That in Your Fridge? Only this time, ask well-known local people what’s in their fridge at the moment. Appeals to nosy curiosity about both people and products.

How to Save 50 Bucks Bring the high-falutin money-advice industry back to Earth, by offering simple everyday ways to save or make money. Could be anything: preventive maintenance on a car, tax tips, when and where to save on gas, how discounts can cost in the long-run, why you shouldn’t pay for extended warranties, new life out of old toys …